The clumsy mind

Much to my dismay, I have to admit I am completely and utterly average. I have no special talent, no eye for fashion and my left hand functions as badly as any other right-handed persons would. Sadly I have not developed any special superpowers that will allow me to save the day, and considering that I embarrass myself constantly by tripping over, spilling a drink or perhaps with a slur of horribly unattractive sounds that are meant to words as I try to socialise with others, I am surprised that I can even make it through the day. But for some unknown and probably slightly dangerous reason I find myself drawn to a keyboard and here shall lay the documentation of my very normal, very plain and very mundane life. 

I bet you are all waiting for the jokes to come streaming out… or maybe for my witty and intelligent smarts to be revealed… or for my inner fashion guru to tumble out in a stream of highly impressive technical terminologies … trust me, I’m still waiting for something like that to happen too. Instead I tend to put my worst foot forward. 

… No… I don’t mean that in a figurative way… I mean that I literally put my worst foot forward, usually leading to a ridiculous event where I end up on the ground. I moonlight as a waitress in a coffee shop, and sadly this seems to be the location for many of my wonderfully distressing incidents. Just the other day, I tried to be smart-assed and funny by telling a co-worker to walk with confidence if she wished to make it across the freshly moped tiles without landing on her butt. I knew taking my own advice would be the only way to show the truth in my words, however, this was one of those kind of moments where  I just wished I’d kept my mouth shut.

Let just say that I did not fall on my butt, but karma still managed to find me… I walked with confidence in front of many of my fellow employees to sign out before a staff meeting, only to have my feet slide swiftly across the tiles as my arms waved around in a silly attempt to keep my tired body upright. All was well as I managed to grasp the nearest bench, managing a quick recovery that only received a few chuckles. It was not until I managed to get my feet tangled up in someone else’s that I managed to slam myself back into the original bench.  

So I guess what I am saying is I have nothing that I can physically show for my abilities, besides about 50 000 bruises that somehow mysteriously appear on my body every day, but I do have one thing I am quite proud of… my mind. I am stubborn, argumentative, highly opinionated, and I believe that whatever takes, every single person deserves a voice and the right to be heard. So this is my voice… ready to be heard and do not be fooled, my clumsiness does not define me.